Word Perfect
Stories about our stories, and the power of the written, spoken and sung word...
Let’s get Eliza Doolittle’s attitude out of the way first, shall we? That fair lady is right (kinda)—showing does beat telling, HOWEVER, the beauty of storytelling is that a good tale does both!
ESSAY: WRITING IN INK
I wrote this story for the Delmarva Review literary magazine. 55 years after her death, my memories of Nana are still so fond and vivid,-and I wanted to share her with others through my writing.
Author’s Note: “My beloved grandmother suffered through a long, miserably unhappy marriage to an abusive man, and I never understood how she endured. When I found one of her crossword puzzles after her death, the puzzle of her life finally became clearer. We all search for ways to cope, to find joy, to master our situations. Nana, completing her puzzles in ink, had found hers.”
“SWEETHEART, can you fetch your old Nana a pen from my purse?”
Eight-year-old me gladly rummaged through my grandmother’s capacious leather handbag. By the time I found the ballpoint, the crossword puzzle book was open in her lap, and she eagerly began to fill in the blank squares. I marveled at the sure way Nana solved the puzzle—quickly, confidently, in eraser-proof blue ink.
Nana was in love with language. She was a very intelligent woman, who’d made the dumbest mistake possible—marrying Pop. My grandfather took pleasure in demeaning her, calling her “BFLOW,” which stood for Big Fat Lazy Old Woman. I would hurl myself at Pop as he sat in his armchair, and I’d shout, “Stop saying that! Leave her alone!” But he never did stop for long. Nana would sigh deeply but would never push back. At those moments, she seemed to be shrinking. It was as if the woman I loved the most was being rubbed out, slowly erased before my eyes.
But when she did her puzzles! There was no defeated sigh, no hesitation at all. Briskly and efficiently, one after another was complete, and always completely correct. An avid reader, Nana knew her Shakespeare and Hemingway. A music lover and piano teacher, she knew her Chopin and Gilbert and Sullivan. Toward the end, when only the arcane words were left, her pen would hesitate over the paper, just for a moment. Then down it would come, and those last blanks were conquered.
As I grew older, I too developed a crush on words, and our shared love of Scrabble bonded Nana and me even more closely together. Emboldened by my occasional victory on the game board, I’d try my hand at a crossword, though always in pencil, and the newsprint would smudge with the vigorous erasing that always followed. Nana was happy to consult when I needed a six-letter word for stomach upset. Over time, I could figure out “nausea” for myself, but I never did develop Nana’s uncanny knack for puzzle solving, and certainly never had the courage to write down, in pen, what could not be corrected.
Nana’s completed crosswords were tiny victories in a lifetime filled with regret. When it came to the biggest thing—standing up for herself to Pop—all the confidence drained out of her. As a teenager, I grew to think a little less of Nana. Her softness and weakness did no one any favors and just made it more tempting for Pop to use her as the prime target for his bullying. To me, it was a no-brainer: give back as good as you got or get out. Nana, it seemed, could do neither.
After she died, I found a crossword puzzle she hadn’t finished. There was the bold blue ink, there were all the right answers. At some point my grandmother had stopped and put the pen down for good. Maybe she just ran out of words. Maybe the futility simply overwhelmed her, and she saw the silly puzzles as the insignificant achievements they were.
But over time, I have come to believe that she worked on that last one to the very end, and that only death itself kept her from filling in those final letters. And, after a lifetime of puzzling over Nana’s story, I now believe that while she suffered through a long and dreadful marriage, the measure of joy and solace she found in those dog-eared crossword books really did matter. In that up, down, black-and-white world of words, she was always a winner. She was a master, in a place where Pop could never hurt her.
And so, this afternoon, in memory of the grandmother I adored, I open the Sunday magazine to the crossword puzzle, a very challenging one, and reach for a pencil.
No. For a pen.
COMEDY VIDEO: NATE BERGATZE ENTERS THE NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST
Nate is one of the most popular comedians working today. Here he brings his ingratiating, laid-back style to the task of captioning New Yorker cartoons!
MOVIE TRAILER: THE GOOD LIFE BY MIKE BIRBIGLIA
I’ve featured Birbiglia in this newsletter before, and I HIGHLY recommend his touching and hilarious work.
In late March, Steve and I (and Rose and Amrit and Julie and Gil) were lucky enough to be in the audience for one of the three performances of Mike’s new offering, The Good Life, in NYC. Birbiglia and crew recorded every show, and distilled them into a wonderful video. If you are at all a fan of storytelling, treat yourself to an evening with a master (it’s available now on Netflix).
STORYTELLER NIMISHA LADVA: “AFTER THE FOG”
I got to know Nimisha years ago, as a fellow member of my writer’s group. I’ve been so proud of, and delighted by, my friend’s many successes as a storyteller (including her two full-length solo shows). Nimisha also combines her storytelling expertise with her experience teaching college writing in her college essay consulting business, theessayadvantage.com.
This slice-of-life story from her early childhood powerfully illustrates the “lesser” status of women in Nimisha’s extended family—and the dawning of her mom’s quiet rebellion. Enjoy this terrific short video, then look up some of Nimisha’s other great storytelling performances, available on YouTube.
MUSIC: THE ONE MOMENT by OK GO
We so enjoyed seeing this legendary band in Brooklyn in concert the other night. None of their iconic videos was shown, but there was plenty of their live music (and, no surprise, countless buckets of confetti:-) OK Go is always a celebration…
And here are the lyrics to the song:
You're right
There's nothing more lovely
There's nothing more profound
Than the certainty
Than the certainty that all of this will end
That all of this will end
So open your arms to me
Open your arms to me
This will be the one moment that matters
And this will be the one thing we remember
And this will be the reason to have been here (yeah)
And this will be the one moment that matters at all
So while the mile reclaims our footprints
And while our bones keep looking back
The overgrowth is swallowing the path
Before the grace of God, go we
Before the grace of God, go we
Before the grace of time and chance
And entropy's cruel hands
So open your arms to me
Open your arms to me
This will be the one moment that matters
And this will be the one thing we remember
And this will be the reason to have been here (yeah)
And this will be the one moment that matters at all
So won't you stay here with me?
And we'll build 'til we blister our hands
So won't you stay here with me?
And we'll build us some temples, build us some castles
Build us some monuments and burn them all right down
So open your arms to me
Open your arms to me
This will be the one moment that matters
And this will be the one thing we remember
And this will be the reason to have been here (yeah)
And this will be the one moment that matters at all
So won't you stay here with me
And we'll build 'til we've blistered our hands
This will be the one thing we remember
So won't you stay here with me
And we'll build us some temples
Build us some castles
And this will be (build us some monuments)
This will be (build us some temples)
(The one moment that matters)
Build us some castles (And this will be)
Build us some monuments
The one moment that matters at all
TED TALK: HOW TO FIND A WONDERFUL IDEA (WITH OK GO)
So how do Birbiglia, Ladva and other writers, storytellers and filmmakers come up with those remarkable ideas? According to OK Go, the ideas are already out there, just waiting to be found! Watch this…
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BLOG PREVIEW: LEMONADING
You know what you’re supposed to do when life hands you lemons, right? This week’s post is for those of us who struggle with the lemonade-making process when it comes to life’s rough patches…
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
I agree with Allende, but I’ll take it a step further…write it ALL, because every experience is valuable (even the really bad ones should be written down, if only to be torn up and thrown away after—which is very therapeutic!) Let’s use our words, my friends, as many ways as we can. Have a great week!
